This past Thursday night, Mark and I had the honor of watching my friend's daughter, Shelby. I knew Shelby when she was born (see the first picture), but then my friend, Kristin and Shelby moved out of state so she could work. After that, Mark and I moved out of state at about the same time that Kristin and Shelby moved back into state. So I didn't really get to KNOW Shelby until she was around 2 or so. I have always called her my little buddy. Now she is 4 and is truly the greatest kid ever (and cute too!!! See the second picture) For a while now, she has been asking to spend the night at our house and I kept putting it off. When I think of watching a kid during the night for the very first time of them being away from their parents, I think of screaming and crying THE WHOLE NIGHT. I think of a kid needing to sleep in my bed while kicking me basically out of bed. I think that it is going to be a nightmare. But in reality, all of my "fears" never came true. Shelby ROCKS! Kristin and I decided not to tell Shelby that she was spending the night at my house until it was almost time to leave for my house, or else that would be all we would hear all day long. So when it was time to leave her house to come to mine, she was super excited. We got to my house and she played hard with our dog, Bailey. She loves that dog and Bailey loves that girl :) I'm not sure who is more worn out--the dog or Shelby. And then we just played, watched 'Ice Age,' ate dinner, she took a bath and then for bed time, it was so easy. She is such a well behaved kid and knows how to put herself to sleep. It is so refreshing to see a kid who is only 4 years old, but just rocks!I think watching Shelby was good for my soul. Ever since I was 5 years old, I have wanted to be a mom. I have grown up in a huge extended family on my dad's side and I am one of the older cousins in this line of many kids. So I have gotten to hold many babies and fight aunts and uncles to hold such babies. I have known in my heart of hearts that being a mom is just right for me, and I have felt called to be a stay at home mom. With the whole health stuff that has happened between Mark and I, we found out that having a biological child just wasn't possible, and it was a huge truth pill to swallow. It still is. But as I grieve that loss I also get SO excited about adoption. But when I think of adoption, I think of all the time it is going to take us from when we apply to getting placed with a child--and it kind of seems overwhelming. It's also overwhelming to think that once we get our home study approved, the very next day there is that possibility that we could be placed with a baby (however slim that chance may be). When a woman is pregnant, she typically has 9 months to prepare herself (and the husband/father has the same amount of time to prepare himself) to become parents. And parenthood seems to be this looming, crazy but awesome responsibility, but abstract. While taking care of Shelby, it helped me feel that parenthood wasn't impossible, but rather, do-able. I know that it is going to be hard (don't get me wrong there), but it seems like I can actually do it. That even though I have felt called to be a mom, I now feel completely ready to be a mom. I am sure that there will be moments when it feels like I can't do it--but I will always get to look back at this moment of watching Shelby, knowing that I was able to watch her for 16 hours, got her to sleep, no tears, no broken bones or blood, and back to her mom all in one piece and for her to ask when she can sleep over again.
:) 